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I'm not sure I can help since I struggle, myself, in the opening phases of the game and usually have to dig myself out of major holes. matjazo is really good, and it looks to me like he never relinquished his advantage once he swapped. But I think 9.i12 was probably the beginning of the end.
Thing is, I can't tell you specifically why. Someone elsewhere explained to me the concept of balance, and it seems to me like that move gave matjazo the additional advantage of strengthen his own balance across the board without strengthening yours.
As the game progressed, there are points where you can talk about the wisdom of some local battle choices, and maybe that's what you'd like and a phase where I can help. I somewhat good at scrambling. But don't think I can help on the strategic, full-game advice. I would be interested in hearing what some of the experts might have to contribute.
I hope that helps. It involves a lot of judgment calls, which can take some experience to develop an intuition for. But you are talking about early moves in the game...
A little later, |13.s10 was too low (bad balance). Black's potential paths were already constrained to being across the top, and that doesn't stop him. Even |13.s9 would be too low - 14.r5. |13.s8 would be too high - 14.p10, and there's probably no hope. But at that point it is probably already too late. |13.k9 14.n11 15.g11 16.j13 17.g15 18.j7 - yeah, doesn't look good.
After move 21 you were lost. Instead, Q11 would have won:
|21.q11 22.n6 23.m5 24.k8 25.q7 26.r9 27.r8 or
|21.q11 22.n6 23.m5 24.q7 25.k8 26.m9 27.j10 28.l5 29.j6 30.h15 31.g15 32.f14 33.k13 or
|21.q11 22.n6 23.m5 24.q7 25.k8 26.l7 27.j6 28.k9 29.j10
Black would have done better to play 20.s7, for example
|20.s7 21.q11 22.m9 23.q7 24.r9 25.v7 26.t10 or
|20.s7 21.q11 22.m9 23.q7 24.r9 25.u9 26.x4 27.u3 28.v5 or
|20.s7 21.v7 22.q12 23.s13 24.r14 25.r15 26.u11 27.u9 28.s12
On the other hand, white could have played Q11 on move 19 with the same attack as on move 21.
Then again, instead of 18.P10, black had
|18.n6 19.m5 20.n10 21.q7 22.q13 23.q11 24.o12 25.s14 26.t14 or
|18.n6 19.m5 20.n10 21.q7 22.q13 23.m11 24.q9 25.l7 26.m10 or
|18.n6 19.m5 20.n10 21.q7 22.q13 23.m11 24.q9 25.q11 26.s8 27.u9 28.t4 or
|18.n6 19.m5 20.n10 21.p8 22.o12 23.r12 24.q11 25.p13 26.r9 27.t8 28.s7 29.u6 30.t4 or
|18.n6 19.m5 20.n10 21.p8 22.o12 23.r12 24.q11 25.q9 26.r13 or
|18.n6 19.m5 20.n10 21.p8 22.o12 23.s14 24.q11 25.t8 26.r13 27.u13 28.s15 29.u16 30.u18 31.v18 32.t16 33.t14 34.w19 35.s16 36.r17 or
|18.n6 19.m5 20.n10 21.p8 22.o12 23.r13 24.q13 25.t14 26.r11 27.u11 28.s9 29.t8 30.t7 31.u6 32.u5
In other words, during moves 18, 19, 20, and 21 you were tossing the game back and forth to each other. This is not meant as an insult. This sort of thing happens a lot even between much higher rated players such as myself. Speaking of which, I may very well have made errors in this analysis, so please do try to refute me.
Looking earlier, I don't see a clear improvement for your play until we go back to move 9. I agree that i12 was less than optimal. Instead |9.n14 looks simple and strong.
I strongly recommend you look through the puzzles provided by the same kind man who built this site, Alan Hensel.
|20.q12 could have also put it away, but Black was drawn into the local battle.
|9.n14 10.o8 11.n12 12.n6 13.k8 14.j6 15.j7 16.i8 17.k5 18.l6 19.m6 20.m8 21.k9 22.m10 23.m9 or
|9.n14 10.o8 11.n12 12.n6 13.k8 14.j6 15.j7 16.i8 17.k5 18.m9 19.j10 20.k10 21.i12 or
|9.n14 10.o8 11.n12 12.m7 13.s8 14.p10 15.s13 16.s10 17.r10 18.o12 19.q12 or
|9.n14 10.o8 11.n12 12.m7 13.s8 14.p10 15.s13 16.s11 17.r10 18.r13 19.p11 or
|9.n14 10.o8 11.n12 12.m7 13.s8 14.q9 15.t10 16.s12 17.u13 18.t13 19.s14 20.v12 21.r11
|9.n14 10.o8 11.n12 12.n6 13.k8 14.j6 15.j7 16.i8 17.k5 18.m9 19.j10 20.k10 21.i12 22.l6 23.l5 24.m4 25.k7 26.l8 27.i9 28.k4 29.k3 30.l3 31.i4 32.j9 33.h7
You are right about letting go of your tendency to attack a direct challenge. Don't think of your opponent's last move as a challenge. It's just a new board position. I wonder if people would play better if the last peg played weren't bright red.